FOX-y Lady

I can't even count all the times I've started writing I'm so tired at the beginning of a blog or a journal entry.  Seriously.  I am tired.  But of what?

I don't think I'm tired.  I'm drained.  The life is slowly being sucked out of me by an invisible force I like to call Adolesence. I'm so over being a teenager.  I know I'm small and insignificant.  But hey, I have my own thought processes. 

Do I care?  Not really.  I only care about what my parents think of me.  Man, I hate their nagging.

I don't want to go to prom.  It's just not my bag man.  It's seriously retarded.  Tradition?  Screw tradition.  It's a stupid little dance where all the girls get emotional about how they're never going to see each other again. 

I have no desire to ever see 98% of these people again.  And if I do see them.  I hope they've failed in life.  These people are pus-filled scabs waiting to infect the rest of the world. 

Edgy and dangerous?  No, not me. Sarcastic and dry?  Possibly me.  Witty and brilliant?  Haha. Jeez.  I'm only a person, stop it.

Funny Bunny, Peter's Gay
I'm a little tired today.  Can't wait till Saturday. ^^ Last House on the Left with J.C.  ((and that does NOT mean Jesus Christ))  hahaha.  Tight. 

MIP of the Week - Johnathan Lee Capuchines.
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: Silent Party
Topic: MIP of the Week

I have a very good friend.  Possibly a best friend.  His name is Brenden Levrier.  I can pretty much talk to him about anything.  He's the one through whom I met Johnathan.

Johnathan's great.  He's like another me, but in a guy's body.  He's a free-range emo and lets his emotions get the best of him.  He hates it when boyfriends beat up their girlfriends.  He speaks spanish.  He likes reading about murderers.  I borrowed a book from him about families who kill.  He loves his family.  His mother raised him.  He's the youngest.  His birthday is June 15th.  He wants power and to be powerful.  He's pretty funny.  We've been texting a lot these past few days.  He loves Family Guy but his all time favorite show is Wonder Showzen.  He graduated from LFHS last year (2008) and is now going to TSTC.  He takes classes dealing with art and computers and stuff.  He's very cute, but he doesn't seem to think so.  His friend Dan lives with him.  He used to smoke, but he doesn't anymore.  He is a romantic and knows how to treat a woman.  He loves the silence and loves to think a lot.  He's amazing and I'd like to know more about him.  So that's all you need to know about my current crush and the Most Intruiguing Person of the Week.

 

T.T.F.N.

Ta-ta for now!

The Contents of My Bag
Topic: Miscellaneous

The current book I'm reading:  The Man in the Iron Mask by Alexandre Dumas.  He's an amazing writer who really sucks you into the story.  Two of his other books are The Count of Monte Cristo and The Three Musketeers.  All three of these books are based on true historical events but he weaves a tale so well that you can't put the book down.

My keys:  I drive a '99 Chevy.  It's maroon, has a camper, and looks a little like an ant.  He's recently been repaired after my mom go into an accident with him.  He's got his quircks, but I love my truck.  Also on my key ring is an angel key chain that my mom gave me, keys to my house, and a senior '09 keychain. 

GermX: For those sticky, slimy, dirty hands.

Three packs of gum:  Extra & the blue 5 gum.  I'm not an avid gum chewer, I just like to have some, just in case.  I used to have the ice cube gum thingy, but SOMEONE finished it.

A yellow notepad: For notes and such.  Also for newspaper notes.  I don't use it a lot but it comes in handy.

Singles to go: I don't really like water alone unless I'm really thirsty.  They're fruit punch.  I really like them cause they taste good and are only 5 calories.

Two lollipops: I'm not sure what flavor.  A friend gave them to me because she knows I like candy.  I've had them in my bag since valentines day.  Haven't really wanted them but it's comforting knowing they're there when I want them.

A bag of pens & pencils: I'm at school, I definitely need pens & pencils. Especially since I tend to lose them a lot.

Smackdown Vs. Raw PSP game: I found it at home and was taking it to school to trade for a PSP case but the guy who had it had found the owner of the PSP case. :(

Fruit by the foot paper with a girl drawn on it:  A friend of mine drew it & I stuck it in my bag & I haven't taken it oout since.

Empty pack of gum: This is just a sad byproduct of me never cleaning out my purse. 

2GB Flash drive: I just need it.  But now I think it has a virus in it.  Oops.

Earphones: Supposed to be for my iTouch but my iTouch is at home because I almost never bring it to school. 

2 small bottles of water: To be used with my singles to go packets.

Coin purse: it's this really cute one from Victoria's Secret.  My momma got it for me for Valentine's day.

Coins: To buy snacks.

Scissors: Cause you never know when you're going to need them.  I never really appreciated them until the day I needed scissors and theyt weren't in my bag.  That was a sad day for scissors everywhere.

Amber Romance Body Lotion:  It's a small bottle;  I use it mainly for my hands because they get really dry.  Sometimes they even peel.  Yuck!

First Aid Kit: Can't leave home without it!  Not that I'm clumsy or anything.  There's just been times where I wished I had one and didn't.  So now I have one.

Spoiled
Topic: Everyday things
My sister is a spoiled brat. She always has to bring the family down with her attitude.  I wish she would change it.  SHe doesn't have to look down on us or be mean just because.  And she doesn't have to order everyone around just because she's too embarrassed to do it herself.  I'm fed up with her attitude.  I've been patient and I've been hoping that she'd change but she isn't.  I'm tired of it. I'm done.

Death and Dying
Topic: Miscellaneous

He will never come for me. I am certain of that now. He laughs at me, mocking me, grinning his ruthless smile, showing off those perfect ivories. He teases me and takes everyone else, the undeserving.

 

Those perfectly happy people, those who have everything to live for, he takes them but never me. Even those whose lives are more miserable and pathetic than mine, even they are granted the easy way out.

 

Often I wonder if he has a personal vendetta against me. No, I have not tried to stop him; all I've asked is for him to either release his hold, or grab me tighter.

 

But he will grant me no such request. He ignores me and taunts me at the same time. I marvel at his power and greed, his selfishness and wit, his awful sense of humor. He gave me the gift of empathy, but cursed me with an ego. He promised me happiness, but filled me with self-pity. A cruel mentor, I learned from him wrath, vanity, coldness, darkness; he gave me no end.

 

The end cannot even justify the means because, for me, there will be no end. I will exist forever, because he hates me.  For this, he will not grant me that final peace and serenity that so many others are privy to. So many others but me.

 

Suicide is not an option. Never will it be. For if I kill myself it will still be by his hand; his hand that guides mine, whenever he wants to. He will call to me, softly at first, just a murmur on the wind… He will make me wonder. Calling me louder now, putting words in my mouth, thoughts in my head…Plans. His hand will caress mine, and his lips will tickle my ears, whispering, "As you wish it."

 

One day, I will cease to exist. But for now, I can only imagine. For now, I have to be patient, quiet.

 

I am not afraid of him. I'm not afraid to die. I'm not afraid of pain, or guilt, or a misery so deep it creates a hell in my mind. No, I have these all at my disposal.  All I truly fear is living forever.

Twilight Feature Story
Topic: Miscellaneous

Some people have asked, “Has reading books (novels) suddenly gone out of style for teenagers?”  Well, as long as there’s a gorgeous teenage vampire involved, it’s not probable.

            According to a national survey of teens 15-17 years old there has  been a slight decrease in the number of teens who read recreationally on a daily basis.

            “Sometimes I don’t see anyone reading, and then all of a sudden, everyone will be reading the same book.  It’s kind of like a wave thing, it goes up and down,” instructor Valarie Nicholson says.

            But now, Stephanie Meyers’ new series, Twilight, seems to have gotten pretty much every teenage girl in a reading frenzy.

            “It’s an interesting story and I like the way she writes, it’s easier to read,” senior Brittany Garza said.

            The book caters mostly to young women because it is a romance novel, but it has managed to find some male readers as well.

            “I started reading it because my sister was reading it and I liked it because it had vampires and stuff,” freshman David Mejia said.

            The book is about a vampire and a teenage girl who fall in love but encounter many problems due to other evil vampires, werewolves, and an overprotective dad.

            “It’s an easy read when you’re bored.  It’s entertaining, but not very stimulating,” sophomore Syndee Piña, said.

            Despite its simplicity, the book will hopefully act as a catalyst that will encourage more teens to read more often.

When did school start sucking?
Topic: Education

Finished with semester exams.

<p>

Pretty sure I'll end up flipping burgers at the nearest Wendy's.  Either that or I'll be telling fortunes on your street corner.

<p>

A real school would teach me how to deal with that stuff. 

<p>

I effing loved school.  I loved it all the way up to the 4th day of the first semester.  Quickly realized it was all downhill from there.  It's just that this ridiculous school would much rather see me
waving pompoms or performing some mediocre feat of athleticism than see me using my brain.  They'd rather put their money in the buffoons that run around with a ball to win some trophy that they'll
cherish for many many years after they've grown that beer gut and started beating their once-thin-but-after-seven-kids-and-several-would-be-surgeries-what's-the-point-anymore wives.  I mean, just start
with the little things and you'll see how utterly idiotic the people who run this high school are.  The dress code:  doesn't even mean much, and yeah, I'm grateful that we don't have to wear uniforms,
but sometimes, I'd rather do that than have to follow all these ridiculous rules.  These people think that if we wear black nail polish, we're up to no good.  That if we have skulls on our clothing, we're
the devil.  Do you know how hard it is to find clothes that you (in this case, me) like that don't have skulls on them?  (Actually, not to hard for me, I'm not specific... But that's not the point!)
We can't wear tights with dresses... but the skinny girls can definitely wear short skirts and get away with them. 

<p>

This didn't happen to me because I'm not a flag girl, but this one Friday, when all the peppy people were wearing their uniforms, I hear this story in first period.  It was cold that day, you have to
understand, and this girl, Manuela, wanted to wear her pants over her skirt.  (I don't remember what kind of pants they were, all I knew was that they weren't allowed) So she started putting them on and
this RETARDED teacher goes up to her and tells her she can't wear them.  O.O It's freaking cold and they'd rather have her in a skimpy little uniform that basically leaves little to the imagination than
have her warm and modest in pants.  Where are the values of society, I ask?

<p>

The problem with my high school is that we live in a very conservative region and they're so obsessed with tradition and discipline that they ignore all other aspects of school, such as LEARNING!!!  The
NCLB law is only exacerbating this problem by making schools pass all these ridiculously high hoops that only hinder education.  NCLB concentrates on math and reading and promotes rote memorization instead
of trying to instill a love of learning into the individual.  The oldies up in Congress wonder why America's so stupid.  Well, America can only memorize so many facts; after that they don't know what to
do or how to do it (it being something successful in this case) so they just trudge along, doing whatever the everyman is doing.

<p>

I wanna learn, people! I don't want to memorize the rules, I want to learn why they were made, how they were made, I want to make the effing rules, for pete's sake!  Geez, is an education too much to ask
for anymore.

Motions
Topic: Poetry

They say I am depressed

When really, I’m just sad

They tell me I am rage-filled

When sometimes, I get mad.

 

 

They tell me not to cry

Whenever things go wrong

They tell me not to sigh

When I don’t feel so strong.

 

 

They say that I am happy

Because I laugh a lot

But sometimes I just giggle

Good reason or not

 

 

They tell me they can see

Through my faces and my voice

When I’m feeling so anxious

And I don’t have a choice

 

 

I keep them on their toes

Watching me all day

Seeing if my emotions

Are coming out to play

 

Each day I fall in love

What blasphemy, they cry.

But it doesn’t matter who it is,

It’s loving that’s the crime.

 

 

Each day I also hate

Even more than when I love

They all tell me not to

It makes him angry up above.

 

 

They tell me what is wrong

In feeling everyday

They say I should stay happy

To stay normal in that way.

 

 

So this is what they say,

I shouldn’t ever feel

They tell me to stay normal

And never to be real

 

 

I can’t live in this world

If emotions are at stake.

Now that I have found this out

I’m finally awake.

Cliques in School
Topic: Education

Wherever society exists there will be social distinction.  Where there is social distinction there will be certain people who prefer to stick together.  Often they are referred to as social groups but when they exclude certain people, they are called cliques. 

     Some teachers say that cliques are not as evident here as they are in certain other schools, mainly due to the fact that basically all students came from the same kindergarten and everybody knows everybody else.  Yet in the halls, in the cafeteria, and even in classes, there is a certain feeling of separateness of groups. 

     A lot of teens claim that “everybody can sit with everybody else and they won’t be rejected”.  While it is true that many won’t be rejected, it is still rare that people will “sit with everybody else,” especially when they see them more different than what they are used to.

      Often on entering high school, kids who share the same interests tend to flock together because of the unfamiliarity of the situation.  As years pass, they become accustomed to sitting with that group and usually never step out of their own boundaries.

     One student claimed that “there aren’t any cliques, but in the cafeteria you can definitely see how the people divide.  The ‘preppy’ people sit at the top level and the ‘ghetto’ people sit in the lower level.” This not only shows that social divisions are apparent, but also that cliques, while not outwardly exclusionary, exist, if only at a minimal level.

     Social groups, or ‘cliques’, will exist in any school and there isn’t much to be done about it.  People, especially teenagers, will always prefer to stay with the everyday familiarity of the faces in their own cliques.